Ask Maggie: How Many Chances Should I Give My Partner?

On reading your question a saying popped into my mind.. ‘ How long is a piece of string?’

For me to put a time frame on how long to accept a particular form of bad treatment would be unacceptable, particularly as I have serious concerns about anyone being constantly hurt.

Without knowing either of you, or your relationship, I am reminded how unique we all are. We are complex in our sensitivities and things that trigger past memories and experiences. For example, what may hurt or irritate you, may wash over another with little effect.

Therefore, I am interested to know what your partner is doing or saying to constantly hurt you, and why you feel you need to turn the other cheek.

Do you find it hard to express yourself? Or do you get shut down when you speak back?

Finding your voice and saying what is on your mind is not always easy for everyone. For many this goes back to how we were raised. Perhaps, as a young child, you were told to be ‘seen and not heard’. Were you expected to be a ‘good girl’, respect your elders, and not talk back? If so, then it probably is not surprising that you are able to turn the other cheek so often.

On the other hand, perhaps you have unknowingly allowed your partner to walk all over you like a doormat, and now it has become a bad habit. So much of relationships are about how much we tolerate. I say this, because by turning your cheek, and basically not dealing with your hurt, you are essentially allowing and accepting whatever your partner does.

When I have spoken to women, much like yourself, I have noted a wide range of comments. Some describe a sudden change in their partner’s behavior, and others can not even remember when it started as it seemed to creep in unnoticed.

Please do not think that people or relationships can not change – They Can!

I have seen many situations reverse and improve. However, nothing happens without both parties wanting to make the improvements.

It sounds to me that this is definitely a couple problem, and the best way to deal with this is as a couple. Bad habits are very difficult to deal with by yourselves, and so I would recommend professional help.

Trust me when I say – The Impossible Truly Can Be Possible!