Ask Maggie: Getting Over Disappointment in a Relationship

Disappointment Sucks!

It can hurt as much as betrayal, because not only do you start doubting them, but you start questioning yourself.

Did I expect too much? How did I get it so wrong?

Feelings of being let down can weigh heavily on your heart and has a way of affecting your perception of every aspect of your relationship. Without question, it tampers with the trust between you both.

Trust is the cornerstone of every aspect of your relationship and without it most relationships can not hold up. Interestingly, experience has shown me when we look closely at trust that there are in fact many layers, and even more unique view points to what trust means to people.

For example, this can be seen by one person accepting their partner’s unreliability to help with the daily running of the home and participation with their children’s activities, as long as they can count on them to provide and be faithful. For others, it can be the complete opposite. As surprising and even shocking as it may sound, these couples have navigated and consented to what works for them. As long as these agreements are upheld then the relationship runs smoothly.

Perhaps the question I need to ask you is..

Do you feel your partner’s behavior was intentionally meant to hurt you, or was it their lack of thoughtfulness towards your feelings. Were they being insensitive?

If your partner’s explanation sounds like a deliberate act to hurt and disappoint you, then this needs further conversation. This means opening up those unspoken areas and tackling difficult conversations. I know this may not be easy for you, particularly if you are a non-confrontational person, but it needs to be done to clear the air. If you don’t deal with the tough stuff in your relationship it will remain between you both and hinder intimacy.

The fact that you are already experiencing a change in your attraction towards them speaks loudly to me that you are already experiencing the gap widening between you both. This disconnect is very common and needs to be addressed as soon as possible, otherwise it becomes habit forming.

Also, I would suggest you think about your own essentials and desirables in an intimate relationship. For example, essentials may be honesty and loving you how you like to be loved. Desirables may include willingness to grow as an individual, and as a couple, to bring out the very best in both of you.

From there, you will be able to think about what is acceptable, or not for you. This is how you will be able to formulate your boundaries, which will let your partner know how to treat you. Not only is this a recommended healthy practice, but it is paramount for your recovery.

My last recommendation is to aim high and don’t settle for less than you deserve!